You know, its pretty hard not to want the same things over and over again, even after it never works. I'm single again, as you can see by all my posts recently. I really just need to be single for a while, I say that every time, but really, I'm still hurting and need time to think about my life. I decided that I really need to get myself together. Nobody wants to be with someone who is relying on others for everything, and honestly thats all I've ever really known. My last relationship was based on being taken care of, if I wanted or needed anything I had to ask for it. That isn't any way to live. I'm half way there to what I need to do with my life right now, I'm just worried that I'm gonna slip. I got a job, but I'm really thinking about getting a second one because I'm expensive. lol My dad just bought me a car, and I was working on saving up for an appartment, that is going to take a long while, but especially long now since I made a trip to the big city of St. Luis to buy leggings. I really did need clothes though. lol Gotta look attractive for work, especially if I'm trying to get another one.
I'm just worried that since I'm doing okay, for now, that things are going to fall backwards. I'm going to fall back into my hoe days, or just give into my lonleiness and just date someone to kill that. Then I'm in yet another shitty relationships and end up ore damaged that I already am. I've been told that I act like a battered housewife. Like I've been beaten all my life. I really have though, I have been virbally aboused, mentally abused, all thats left is the physical part, and I've been so fortunate to not have been physically touched, because I say I would never let someone get away with it. The first time they would be gone, or I would be, but unless your in that situation, its hard to tell what you really would do. Idk. I feel like that's my new catch frase "I don't know"because I really don't know anything anymore. All I really can do is take every day one day at a time. One breath at a time. That's all I really have.